i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
