Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
