my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize