you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
