Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
