I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize