the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
