a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
