His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
