Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
