omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
