I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
