my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
