would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
