Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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