dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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