Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
