He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
