sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
