When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
