even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
