Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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