You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
