I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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