After last night, I could never be a politician.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
