the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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