Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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