Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
