So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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