Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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