Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
