this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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