So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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