First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
