She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
