i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
