WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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