Don't make out with my wife yet
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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