I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
