When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
