i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
