what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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