Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
