I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
