he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
