just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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