I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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