Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
