Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
