yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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