I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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