I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
