i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
