apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
