I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
