smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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