Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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