pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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