this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
