I wanna passion pit in your ass
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
