I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
