i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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