Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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