Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
