the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
