How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
