This is not my ceiling
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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