i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
