Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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