but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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