We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
