I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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