So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
