I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
