You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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