I just made out with a guy for $7.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize