We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize