singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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