if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We don't watch enough power rangers
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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